sinking in work

yesturday while I was so busy in work & very drown to it suddenly!!
Bomb
my ex in the face loooooooooooooool
okaaaaaaaaaaaaay
it has been about two years @_@
he is in shock !! I am in shock too ldrjat I didnt move my head or my eyes o as I never saw him o went out to the main reception & came back after 10 min to find him sitting with the crowed & his eyes on me !! I really really didnt know what to do ! look back ! smile? ignore !!
hahahaha I just ignored him totally as he is no one or he is visiable
OMG how could I ignore someone I was in love with him for a while & had a really good time with him TOTALLY while he was infront of me !!
loool ! Amazing how u can be cold about someone u was crazy about!
Ahmed didnt get a big part of my heart but I dont deny that I loved being with him for sometime befor I dumped him !
& yaa It's funny
funny how life is not fair :)

nightmares

Nightmares r back

steps

It's morning
I miss me allot
I miss how I used to love
I miss how I used to live
It's like I cant control my self anymore
& nothing left except to ruin the pure in me
I hate being someone I didn't want to be
I hate it all !!
why do I keep hurting ppl loves me !!
& why I cant love anyone anymore
I cant produce love
I feel I'm living with out a soul
It's like my soul left me </3
& I know I need help but I refuse to take it
acting im ok & nothing wrong is the best
& I haaate it !! when they just ask .....

Christina Aguilera - You Lost Me

I dont want us to be "frndz"

something wrong with me

my feelings r very confused 

I donno what I'm feeling 

but I know I want to be alone

im trying my best to run away in the easiest way 

breaking his heart wasnt my goal

running a way is so not me 

</3

I dont want to be there 

may he rest in peace

it breaks my heart a 1000 that he left
it feels like fire in my chest
I wish it is me not him
he is a son , husband , brother , father , grandfather & a friend
the lost is huge
more than my mind can handle
I cant belive it yet , how can they
I cant hundle it or control my tears how can they
I never wished someone to be my father as much as him </3
he was a perfect man allah yr7mah
like no one I knew & I dont think there is a man like him
I really cant discribe their lost
nothing in this world describe their pain
nothing can make them feel better
nothing I can do to make it easier
it's hard like .....
two days ago I was talking to she5a & he was playing with her
kissing and jaggling her
today he is t7t alrml fi 8brah
ams he was sleeping in his bed
today he is there , where there is no one , in that place
ya allah t5ff 3 shwie5 o ahlha ya rb </3
I cant stop crying or thinking
being very close to her makes me feel some of the pain that shes having
& It makes me think if im feeling so shes 1000 time worse
I loved him as my father just by being his daughter friend
aaaah ya 8lbiiiii
ya rb 9brhm ya rb 9brhm ya rb 9brhm
ya rb shl 3lehm o ajbr 8lobhm 3 fra8h ya rb
I swear to god I have never wished to be dead this much ala that day 1/6/2009
11/11/2010 </3
yaa rb laish ta5th always good ppl & leave us in this world full of bad ppl
I just wish if I was dreaming O i wake up o find it was a nightmare
ya rb ajbr b5aa6rhm ya ar7m alra7meen

beyond the forever

studying math
asm3 *mrat sanna*
he is sleeping in my arms 3 al56
FB
lap on my lap
1000 on my mind
& still one thing is taking over every other thing </3
something strange in *mrat sanna* steals me from my world
to my fairytale
my happy ending for my fairytale is unhappy
but happy
he says "weldna" is sh-hab
& something snapped my heart like hell
Strange that the one person I didn't even imagine having a child from !! I even hated the idea ! ......
stuff always comes up in my face makes me think , how this life works more over how funny it is
I'm not sure how long this will go on
but if I wasted a year on someone didn't deserve a min from me , I think he deserves that I spend a life time with him , he says forever <3 I say beyond it

the one

his eyes
his lips
his smile
his look
drive me crazy
& the only reaction I have to do is to laugh
he is classy & trashy
he treats me like his lady & the only one he have in this world
& I adore it
he knows that he is the only guy in my laugh , but yet he feels jealous  even from my cat
he knows I wont cheat on him & I wont no matter what happen
but he hates that there is others wanted or wants me
he is every thing I wanted in a man although I know he is not the one
I dont know how I know he is not the one !
he loves me , want me , more than anything in his life
I love him , in a matter of fact I adore him
but he is not the one
& he is doing every thing to be the one
I want him to be the one
but I just know it
he is perfect
we r sm o 3sl
but this time Im the Sm & he is al3sl
each time I close my eyes , I can see him <3 & thats what really matters now

U were my every thing

U were my every thing