be with me ~

yesterday , I told him the world he wanted me to say
It wasn't hard on me , it was easy  maybe because I was sleeping
he was happy
I was happy because he was happy
he is in my blood now
I cant sleep , talk , eat
do anything , unless he is with me
everything I feel I can tell him
he is everything to me
he is jealous even from my best friend , cuz she spend allot of time with me
a7bah
I want him
only him
& I want him forever ~ to be with me <3

officially urs

I'm officially his <3
the way he's around me , is what I want
the way he take care of me , is what I need
the way that he knows what I need & do more than I need , kills me , makes me all his
strange how u can mean the world to someone , who just knew u
but it's like he knew u forever
the way he says my name , sound different
the way he wants me in every moment in his life is unbelievable
how much he is concern about what he is in my life , makes me think , allot
all that he knows very well , that I don't yet have a feeling for him
he is more than I want or what I dreamed about
& he is 1000 better than what I had
why would I make him suffer ! why I'm holding my self from him
why am I being over protective
I know my wound .. I know Im still in pain .. I know why I cant just let my self go with him
I cant be "his" while something in me belong to someone else
I wish I can give it to him & live my life , but it just hurts me
to carry this from the only person I really truly hate , from all my heart , all my brain
the one person in this world , that I loved the most & hate the most ;)
waiting for this thing to leave me then I'm all ur's , I'm just afraid that it's sticking with me
then I will have to tell u & make u choose <3

my mistake

hate& love

I love how much I hate this part from him in me , It's like my heart have reached a new level in hatness  , just like him .

I wanna burn my self or jump from a top of building to kill it , destroy it .

with each pain it cause to me , I wanna deny it

but It's true

& I love , love love love , that he dont care , which I already know , but it makes me stronger & hate that thing in me , hate it that I want to burn it , burn me , I dont want it to breath , to see , to feel , It's a demon from a demon 

& I will kill it , when I stop loving "it" 

one person came to my mind

more is not available

reminds me of me a while ago , when I wanted more & it wasn't available </3
It's very clear now , that feeling , to be with someone you don't love & this someone is offering you every thing u need , yet u cant be totally with him simply ur not in love with him . aldnyia dwara , but tdor in the wrong way , I didnt want someone to do for me what I did for someone in the past , I only wanted someone new that I can love like I used in the past & loves me back :) I just hope to get the "kiss me" part 3 5air , never realize that he never asked me to kiss him at all untill this guy shocked me with the kiss me sentence looool & here I throw the bomb that this will never happen neither on phone or real life !! hahaha yaay noora how sweet to push back ur new bf !! wallah I cant understand my self any more how will he , 5air inshalla </3

another man woman

It hurts like nothing to be an another man woman

Hearing someone else calls me babe, my love , '3nati

Makes me shaver

Sleeping in his arms , waking up in his arms , kissing me always

But I never kissed back

I deserve this pain , belonging to someone else will teach me my lesson

At least I won’t regret H as Him

</3

لوعة غيابكـ ٬

الليـ كسـر خاطريـ منـ لوعة غيابكـ
لا قلتـ باخونكـ
الذكرى تقولـ إستحـ
</3

losing my self in the crowed

I know I'm losing my self in the crowed
bu I just dont care
something pushing me further
allowing me to try lots things all in time
It's not me any more
I'm one like them now
lost that thing
& I deserve it
I gain it
I believe that I brought it to my self
so bring it harder babe ;)

funny

very funny when I counted my past
I used to have one heart
broke it
then it became two pieces
each piece loved someone
then some how
it came back together to love one of them only
fought till after the end
fought even after i died
in the end , it's not that one piece any more
not even two pieces
much more
& each piece like someone different
 thats how u lose ur self
& donno what u really like , love or want
thats how I change , to be someone else , someone I used to be in the worst time of my life
but this time at least I know what I'm doing , I don't feel the guilt & I won't regret it ;)

if I died

all I wanted

all I wanted was a man
to belong to
as a brother , father or a lover
a scent that I can hold on when my tears comes out
when the fear shaver my coldness
when my heart bumb like a rabbit
when the night is long & the cold is hard
when no one is there he will be there
someone I can hold on with
I can cry out in his arms
I can feel the safe again , once more
I can sleep in his arms
I can trust him on everything including me
thats all I wanted
a man scent ... </3

here we go

new start inshallah
& here we go